I'm searching for this again.  I was chilling out at Stacey's and I think it was before one of her party's.  Clean cut and it looks as if I was working out and down in weight.  Shoot man,  I can be relaxed at times and really confident about myself.  I'm just in a funk with myself and it's all in my head right now.  I always seem to be searching for the right moment to focus on the things I want.  Kind of like when people who are trying to quit smoking.  The comment, "You have to really want to quit and you'll do it."  I'm looking for a moment when I say to myself, "Now I really want it."

I've just completed an MRI on my lower back and I think that this condition might finally be dealt with.  This could be the a real head start in getting my physical condition totally squared away.  This could mean that I could get into work out routine that would stay consistent without being put on an injured reserve list.  Why am I not the person you see in the picture.  I would bet all my money that injury kept me from the gym.  And one day turns into two days and two days turns into three and so on until you reach the 'i'm not working out anymore'.  

It's not reasonable....or is it?

WORK AT HOME OPPORTUNITIES.....I don't think this is reasonable or actually possible.  I have been researching my ass off trying to figure out how this all comes together to actually work from home and at the very least make some sort of supplemental income to pay for my freakin' lunch, among other things.  And when I say researching my ass off,  I mean I have surfed the internet for countless opportunities that all end up with the same results.  A DEAD END ROAD.  Pay me this or pay me that to get this information that will lead you to this home working opportunity and you really end up with more fees to pay to take it to the next step.  My only real experience with minor results was EBAY.  Easy process but that is a program that is difficult if you don't know what you're doing or don't have the product.  I do believe in EBAY however, like I said,  it takes real work and knowledge.

I really don't think I'm done with the researching but I sure wish I could discover a real program with better than average results that if I put in the work it deserves,  it will provide a supplemental income that will more than help financially.   HELP!!!!!!!!

Life up to August 11, 2011

It's an overwhelming feeling.  Like an itch in my head.  At any given moment there are these thoughts, ideas, feelings that just stick in my head and the only way to sooth this itch is to lay my fingers on the keyboard and just type away.  Ahhh......that feels better.  Something you probably all need to know about me is that psychologist would say that I'm mentally unstable.  Let me explain before you run from me like a race horse in the Kentucky Derby.  My feelings about the medical profession have never been...lets say...favorable.  Absolutely, there is the small percentage that are 100% ethical and true to their career.  Doctors that give the profession a good name.  But keep in mind that I said a small percentage.  I just don't believe that most of them know what they are doing.  Nevermind the ones who are themselves on drugs but think about the ones who are just in it for the money.  The ones who are in it for the title of Doctor.  The ones who just said one day, "You know, I'm tired of Mom and Dad bothering me with this.  Okay....I'll go to school and be a damn doctor!"  Or how about the quacks who read a book and said, "Okay..now I know how to fix him or her."  Most of them don't know Jack and that's what I think about that.  And not to sound wishy-washy, but I do appreciate that small percentage.  So as I was saying, I can be a little unhappy.  Not depressed.  I can be somewhat neurotic.  Not crazy or insane.  My thoughts, comments and actions do sometimes appear negative but that is just me keeping it real.  If the kettle is black then the kettle is black.  And things sometimes stress me out.  An overbearing boss, an unbelievable case load, a flaky girlfriend.  I'm only human.  I do have feelings and emotions just like everyone.  So I'm not mentally unstable.  I'm not clinically depressed Dr. Quack. I'm just like anyone else who lives and breathes in this now crazy world we live in.  Hope that didn't freak you all out.

So it looks like I'm going to be a school bus driver for now.  At least until something breaks for me in this horrible job market and I can continue to pursue a career in case management.  I would actually settle for anything substantial that would give some type of respect and gratification in what I do for a living.  Doesn't that just piss you off guys.  I mean even if your were well off earning a living as a, let's say, a lawyer.  You're at a party and you happen to be standing in front of a nice girl.  You strike up a great conversation, you both hit it off and BOOM!  What you thought was the beginning of something special just turned into a moment of 'Judgement Time' as she asks, "So what do you do for a living?"  The measuring stick for pretty much all women.  Sorry ladies but you know it's true.  God forbid that I'm in a rut right now and that I don't anticipate it lasting forever.  I mean jeez Louise...I've got some ambition, some drive, some integrity. Kind of tough right now and Lord knows I'm making the effort.  Yeah, I've got a problem with that.  But keep in mind that I've been on both sides of the track so I think I know what I'm talking about.  I think.

It's all about fun for me...

Meaning that I refuse to take life so seriously.  Probably the reason why I'm in such dire straits right now.  I guess if it's fun that you constantly think of,  you're probably neglecting responsibility.  An admission on my part.  I tend to neglect responsibility.  It's hard to be responsible when you don't have the way or means of putting these so called responsibilities in their proper place.  That's where balance comes into place and 'Balance' is another subject that will be discussed later.

I've had more than my share of fun.  That list of concerts is a condensed one so far and that list will probably reach a hundred plus.  It was my way of having fun.  The money spent, the beers drank and in my younger days, all that stupid drug taking.  Pot mostly but my first concert at 16, there were things taken that I really don't want to mention.  My tenure in the U.S. Navy was all about fun.  They bust your ass with duties and your time off is spent outside the gates doing God knows what.  What would you do after a 24 hour shift and 24 hours off and stationed in Rota, Spain.  An unbelievable playground, wouldn't you say.  And that wasn't the only place I was stationed at.  Sicily was unbelievable.  After the Navy I think I adopted the philosophy of playing harder than I worked.  And that's where it all began.

It was a ten year stretch of floundering through life trying to take advantage of life.  Looking for that 'crystal ship' to come ashore and seeing if the golden hand of life was going to reach down and pick me.  Kind of like thinking that YOU were going to win a lottery and life would be the way you wanted it to be.  What a joke!!!!  Jeez, I was young and naive.  We all wish we could turn back the clock and change things but when your past is full of irresponsible actions, that notion of turning back the clock really messes with your mind.  I worked....didn't work...work.....didn't work, all because having fun was more important then anything.  Ambition was put on the back burner.  The sad thing is that eventually I realized that ambition is so key in determining what the rest of your life is going to be.  Focus and balance and determination and a plan to achieve what your purpose in life is what the order of business is when you're young.  Sure, things happen along journey and yes, your life may take a sudden turn but with that same plan you will overcome.

Self psycho-analysis is what this is turning out to be and my apologies to the audience.  This is suppose to be fun.  There you go....another reference to the word fun.  I just can't get away from that. 

How many millions ???????

The question pertains to the number of people who are unemployed including myself.  In this age of 'me, myself and I', most people do not take the time out and actually analyze the current situation concerning the economy and the well being of others.  Especially if you're employed and life is, "Just dandy."  But seriously folks,  the numbers are staggering.  I don't know what I'm going to do?

I don't really know how valid this example is but I read in one of the Yahoo story lines of a family who was in such dire needs that they were stir frying dandelions just to eat.  That seems a little too desperate, but you never know.  God....please bless that family and never let anyone get so desperate that they commit to something that is unthinkable.  If indeed the poor are getting poorer, then someone please explain what is going to happen to us.  Do we just die off?  Will we starve to death?  Will we be ostracized from society?  I mean really....will this be a never ending downward spiral into God knows what?

Perhaps I'm being a little over dramatic but with all this spare time to sit and wonder, you can't help but think of the future of this country and for that matter...myself.  I'm in this podunk town and I've exhausted all job leads and getting pretty worried.  I really don't have the means to pick up and leave this town for, lets say, Houston or San Antonio, so what do I do?  I hear you know, "Quit complaining and suck it up."

Just some thoughts.

Yo Pauli '

I'm a rookie at this...

So as I stated, I'm a rookie at this.  But just like everyone else I think this is therapeutical for me and it gives me a chance to put my thoughts out there.  I will never claim to be this great writer but I do feel that I may have a knack at doing this.  I also have hopes that it may help someone in the end.  Either way,  I'm going to do this for myself.  An act that I have never really understood.  It's because I've always done things for everyone else.  I distinctly remember when I was a younger man that everyone seemed to feel comfortable with sharing their hearts and mind with me.  As I sat there staring into their eyes and giving the sympathetic nod, it was in my head I kept thinking, "Why are they talking to me about this?  Why are they opening up their hearts and minds to me?"  For awhile there I thought I should go into some sort of career as a counselor. 

I suppose it's my turn now to share my life, thoughts, feelings and whatever else I feel like writing about.  At least to anyone who happens to fall into this blog site.  I decided to add a list of all the concerts that I have attended in my life.  I started with Paul McMartney for whatever reason but I'll continue to update that list.  And it will be a big one.  Maybe 100 plus...we'll see.  Alright now,  Sunday night and I want to wind down and get ready for a week of job search activity and try not to be down.  Stay positive and God Bless.

Still trying to Reinvent myself

Hello
Just want to drop a few lines and let you know that I'm still searching for that elusive feeling of a rebirth. I've come close and in fact was there for only a temporay time. It's all about balance now because getting to the starting line and taking off for the race is really no problem. We can all get to the starting line however I've discovered that once the race has started it is difficult to keep your balance throughout the race. And that is my conclusion.

I've recently been unemployed and spend approximately 8 hours a day searching for a job and have had the luxury of reading quite a bit. Information that is available on-line. Anything from learning how to deal with this current situation to trivial stuff about my likes such as selling on E-Bay, tips on interviewing, stories of fellow unemployed individuals and pretty much anything else that prompts me to seek information. It has become a situation where I must use this computer to my fullest advantage.

My curiosity in pursuing opportunities in maximizing this computer has of course led me to this blog and the selling of items on E-Bay. It is my ambition to create a successful blog so that I may help anyone seeking advice, someone to communicate with or otherwise learn from my experience. I have got this gut feeling that I could be successful in both of these ventures. Being that at this moment I'm sharing these thoughts with you and that it is so therapeutical for me, I consider myself at already succeeding at one thing. I'm telling you, I've got a lot to share and that's not taking anything away from you or anyone else. We all have our stories, our current situations, our "soap opera",the why's, what's, how's and when's. But for me...well here I am. Now for a real E-Bay story.

It's something else. At first it was intimidating. The hoops you have to jump through in order to get situated. Very tedious however the end result is kind of like that first day you start excersising. You are so scared, intimidated, unsure, just plain being lazy and hardheaded. But you know deep down inside that it must be done and that you really have that inner desire to do it. And once you've finished, you feel great about it. So to make this long story short...I was able to establish my account and I actually sold a few items. This is just in its experimental phase and it appears that in order to become one of those power sellers, you're talking about a lot of time invested. It is really a home based business and it takes a lot of time and effort. Just like a real job. And it can be done. Just a quick note here, I discovered that choosing a great product is really key. I ultimately would want a store that offered a variety of things but this is just and idea that is a long ways off. Let's see what I do with this.

As I stated earlier, I'm hoping that this venture in becoming a successful blogger will at the very least help people in life. Personally, I've read a few blogs that have inspired me somewhat but have also given me the information that I seek in order to become successful. I'm 48 years old and lost. Not completely...but it is getting harder and harder to see clearly. I am not so proud to where I will not seek advice to help me recreate a life of happiness. And isn't that what we all want? Happiness and security.

So this is just the beginning. Later, I will share more thoughts. I will tell you a lot about my past, who I am, daily experiences and whatever else I feel like writing about. I'll keep it lighthearted, informative and add a sense of humor to it. I'll try not to be to opinionated but will absolutely share my feelings on whatever it is....if that makes any sense??

Laters
Yo Pauli '